MED SCHOOL DARE

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 By: Jon  Zuluaga

As fas ar I know, this is a true story. It happened  to my brother when he was  taking  Medicine at one of the colleges on Taft, the one  attached to the hospital. You see, my brother  and a couple of his friends were trying to get into a frat. To  get in,  they had  to spend one night in the hospital morgue. Yes, Philippines hospitals have morgues. Where  do you think  they put the dead  bodies?  Where do you think the med students perform their  dissections? Anyway, it was  either that or get paddled or something . You know  how frats can be.  Anyway, my brother  and two of his blockmates had to pass  the night in the morgue. Now the morgue is off limits  to students so they had  to bribe  a security guard  with Tanduay to get in.  Once they were in,  Paco, one  of my brother’s blockmates, told  them why the morgue was off-limits.

Apparently it was  fairly common for body parts to get “lost”  I mean, after  a while, the med  students were desensitized  enough  to be able  to eat in  front of  an open  cadaver, so it was only natural that they would  start having  naughty  ideas. According to Paco, a Med freshman was studying  at her dorm when her  lights went  out.  What her  blockmates did was they got a severed hand from  the morgue and placed it on her  study lamp when the  lights  went out, because they figured that was  the first thing she’d  check. They were waiting  for her to scream, and then they’d turn on the lights and  yell  “surpise” or something.  So they were all in the dark,  and there were no sounds. They heard  her  fumbling around her  desk and then dead silence. The blockmate by  the light  switch got  impatient  and turned on the lights, and there was  their classmate,  hunched  over at her study table, eyes wide open in shock, with the hand  between  her teeth. Yeah,  she was  biting it.  They say she now lives in  a Mental institution. So since  that day the morgue is  off-limits to students  unless a  resident supervised them.  No, that’s  not my  story. So my brother, he got a little antsy  and lit a cigarette.  “Don’t  do that,” said Jepoy, the other blockmate with them. He had  heard  a story about the  last time someone smoked in the morgue: A  bunch of med-seniors were pulling in an  all-nighter at the morgue, cramming  for finals or something.  One senior decided  to use a  corpse as an ashtray. “He won’t mind,” the senior  said.  And that was when the  corpse sat up and  pulled the cigarette out of the  senior’s mouth. “Please,”  the corpse whispered, “show some respect.”

True story, man,  I mean, with witnesses and all.  The corpse  was in  mid autopsy  pa naman so when it sat up  they could see right into it.  Anyway, around 10 p.m. , my bro and his buds  got caught in the lab by their  Anatomy 101 prof. He didn’t  give them too much grief though,  since  he’s  from the same  frat. He told them that they might even get lucky, and see  the Hospital’s dirty little  secret.  Apparently, back when the  Prof was in med school, back in nineteen-forgotten or something, the hospital had it’s very own celebrity doctor. Doctor…. Ramirez, I think. Jesus Antonio  Ramirez. Right,  the guy  who dove out the  window, yeah  that’s  him. He was  from  a farming family from Negros, and they were loaded. Old  money that  somehow survived the war. So this  Ramirez got the best education money can buy-the  States, Europe, you name it. He was  the doctor’s doctor. And he  was a social butterfly,  too.  Made sure  his face  was seen  at all the  right parties, making all the right  friends. “Star Doctor”  was what they used  to call him.  Sort  of like  Vicky Bello, but he  did it  without  the boob jobs and tummy tucks. He just knew people, you know?

Although rumor  had it  that he had a  “side business” that not too many people  knew about. His  specialty,  they said, was making unwanted  pregnancies “unhappen” Back in those days, that was  a pretty big Dirty Secret. That was why he  had so many  “friends” in high places, more like they owed  him for keeping their skeletons in the  closet.

Being young, rich,  and famous, it was only a matter of  time before he became  stupid.  Supposedly  he got one of his nurses pregnant and tried to convince her to let  him abort it, so that neither of them had to  bear the “shame” of having a bastard kid.  Plus,  obviously, he was in no mood to get married. And now this  was the really big SUPPOSEDLY-  when he  couldn’t  get his way, he had her drugged, and then did  the abortion anyway. She died  on the operating table,  probably from the drugs. Ramirez was able to cover it up,  and he came  out of the whole thing smelling like roses.

That was  when things got really weird, On any given day, Ramirez would break  out into hysterical  laughter  during hospitals meetings. On other day’s he would start arguing  with himself in the middle  of surgery, waving his  scalpel around. One day,  during  the morning  rush hour, a couple of nurses saw him running down the Nursery hallway,  half-naked  and his hair a mess.  His mouth was open as if trying to scream, but he  didn’t  make a sound. When he  ran out of hallway he ran right  through the window. Now the Nursery wasn’t always on the second floor of the Hospital. In those days it was on the  fifth floor, up where they have the doctors’ offices these days.

“It’s a true story,”  the prof told my brother, because the prof was actually there, and actually saw Ramirez swan dive five stories. Every now and then crying  babies  could be  heard on the fifth floor ( except, you kow, there are no babies  anymore on the fifth floor). Sometimes sobbing  sounds were heard in the ladies’ bathroom. And a  couple of guards have seen Ramirez running  down the hall,  mouth open in a scream but no sound came out.

Now,  you’ve got three young  and stupid college kids who’ve just heard this  spooky ghost story. What do you think  they did? Yeah, they went  up to the fifth floor to  check the story out.

So  the three of them were sitting on a bench outside a doctor’s office on the  fifth floor. At about 3 in the morning, Paco woke up, because he heard someone crying,  He shook my brother and Jepoy up, and  they can both heard it  too- it sounded like  a woman was crying. But it was  not coming from the bathroom. Standing right beside them was  this woman in a white  hospital gown. According to my bro,  she looked completely normal,  no missing facial parts or weirdo  eye movements. she was kind and pretty, even. “Do you want to see my baby?” She asked. Before they could answer, she opened her robe and they could see right through her sliced-open stomach into her womb. They  saw the  fetus  hanging there. Then the  fetus looked  up at them,  and squirmed. Now they were really freaked out, and started  running  for their lives. While  they were  running, Doctor Ramirez ran right  past  them,  sprinting for his  own life, mouth  open with no sound coming out. I think it was Jepoy who actually looked  behind  them and saw  this mini army of fetuses crawling  on the hospital floor, heading in their  direction.  They didn’t see Doctor Ramirez dive out the window, but they did hear  the sound  of breaking glass as  they ran down the  stairs.

My brother shifted  to Fine Arts two weeks later, and he refuses to even  look  at the General Hospital building. Jepoy shifted  out to dentistry, I think, and Paco was sticking it out in Med, but he doesn’t stay after dark at the Hospital.

True Story, man, I swear.

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